I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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