"it" just moved
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
