her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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