I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
