I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
