Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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