yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize