Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
