According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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