You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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