My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
