I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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