remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
