Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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