did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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