True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
