when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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