I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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