she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
