I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
