New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
