when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
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The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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