Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
and you fell through a lawn chair
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
