this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
