Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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