did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
