Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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