He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I need to calm my uterus...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
