He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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