Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize