I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
