at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
