While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
