mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
