Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize