we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
