Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
