i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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