If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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