Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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