Taylor Swift is so right about you.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
