I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
