I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
