I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
