Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
