I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
