Got a toothbrush?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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