do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
