So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I puked a lego.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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