i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
As shirtless as possible
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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