if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
