This is not my ceiling
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
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Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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