just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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