I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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