I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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