Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
