Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
