Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
