I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can't turn off my feet"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I love you. Go after that dick
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
