At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sarcasm needs its own font
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
bring money and cleavage
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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