i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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