He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
