Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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