So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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