he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
