hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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