using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
