someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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