WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
