i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
