Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
