Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
