That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
