I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Randomize
