i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
