if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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