I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
