I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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