I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
